


Uphill and Winding

by NYCScribbler



Category: Hello - Adele (Song)
Genre: Alternate History, Epistolary, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-02-15 01:21:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13020279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NYCScribbler/pseuds/NYCScribbler
Summary: After nine years, and a dose of social upheaval, Derrick reaches out to the man he wronged.





	Uphill and Winding

**Author's Note:**

  * For [froggydarren](https://archiveofourown.org/users/froggydarren/gifts).



> Please note: there is mention of homophobic language having occurred in the past, but no slurs are used in the text. I don't know if you consider letters and voicemails to be first-person POV, but I'm giving you the heads-up to be on the safe side.
> 
> This is set against the backdrop of an alternate history, about 2021/2022.

**November**

_”You have reached 510-555-1969. Please leave your message after the beep.”_

"Ty? Is this still your number? It's Derrick. Are you out there? Why am I asking your voicemail this?"

_"To delete this message, press pound."_

"Ty? It's Derrick. If you're out there, if this is still your number, please call me back. I need to talk to you. Scratch that. I just need to talk, and I hope you understand."

_"To delete this message, press pound."_

"Ty, it's Derrick. I know it's been nine years. Can we talk? I don't even know if this is still your number, but I hope it is. Please, call me back. Please let me explain. I miss you."

 

**December**

Dear Ty,

I don't know if you'll even get this letter. Maybe I sent this to the wrong Tyler Larson. I don't know how many Tyler Larsons there are out there. But the newspaper photo looked right. If not, at least I can say that I tried.

They gave your old number out, you know. Some woman started yelling at me in a language I don't know- maybe Vietnamese- the fifth time I called it. Did you give it up when you left San Francisco, or afterwards?

I guess that's none of my business now. Or yet. Or maybe ever again.

Time heals all wounds, right? What came between us for nine years, though, time can't heal all by itself. I'm embarrassed by the person I was for those nine years. I don't want to be that person anymore. I've seen too much and done too much to be who I was before that, either. But I'm trying to be a better person, one who's learned from the mistakes of both youth and age.

I said a lot of terrible things to you. I meant them at the time, but I look back now and I wish I could take everything back. I wish I had your courage. I wish I had the strength that you have to be yourself and to be proud of yourself.

I'm in San Francisco. The city's getting back on its feet after... well, after. After Richardson's regime, and what it took to break the system. But just walking the streets of the Castro, seeing the flag, brings me back. I remember Cal now, better than I have in years. I remember how we wanted to change the world, and how easy we thought it would be. I was going to run a Fortune 500 company and you hadn't figured out if you wanted to be President, Senate Majority Leader, or Secretary-General of the UN.

You always thought more globally. You wanted to see how the rest of the world did things and learn from them. Said it came from growing up on the North Dakota prairie, because whatever the rest of the world did, it had to be better, or at least more interesting, or at least more... fabulous. Are you out there somewhere? Some other country, some other continent, some other language? Is this just a drop box, or is New York really home?

I miss you. I miss our political discussions, and being able to take in all kinds of perspectives. I miss Ken's respect for tradition and Blair's idealism and your ability to make sure everything was civil. Can we go back to that?

Write back to me if you can. How have you been? What are you doing? Do you still think about Cal? Are you still involved in politics? The look on your face when you said Dianne told you how much potential you had... even now, I still remember that sheer joy.

With love,  
Derrick

 

**January**

_”You have reached the office of Borough President Tyler Larson. I can’t come to the phone right now. If you need immediate assistance, please hang up and dial extension 5778 for my secretary Fred McDonald. Otherwise, please leave your name, means of contact, and a brief message after the tone.”_

"Hi, Tyler. It's Derrick. Thanks for writing back. I guess you can tell I got your Christmas card, and the business card you put in it. Borough president- sounds important, even if I don't know much about New York. It sounds like you've been really busy, so call when you can."

_”You have reached the office of Borough President Tyler Larson...”_

"Derrick again. Maybe you didn't get the voicemail from last week? Your secretary said the long-distance lines are a little unreliable. I didn't know how cut off New York had been. I'd love to catch up. It's been so long, and we both have a lot to talk about. Can you give me a call?"

_”You have reached the office of Borough President Tyler Larson...”_

"Tyler? Are you there? Please... please let me explain. I want to make things right. That mattered to you back then. Does it still matter to you? If it does, then please let me prove that I can."

 

**February**

_“Hi, this is Derrick-“_

_“-and Kendra!”_

_“Hoffman. Sorry we can’t come to the phone right now. Leave a brief message and your phone number and we’ll get back to you as soon as we can.”_

_“But if it’s Eric, go ‘way ‘cause you have cooties!”_

"Hi, Derrick, it's Tyler. Thank you for remembering not to call me Ty again. You lost that right after Arcadia. Do you even remember the things you said? I would repeat them, but I don't repeat those words in polite company, and I'm fairly certain my secretary can hear me. Do you remember telling me I would burn? I remember. I remember just how hard you hit that word and the words around it. Excellent use of literary themes, for a finance major.

"You say you want to explain. You say you want to make things right. You said a lot of things in your letters and your messages. You said most of the right things, or else I wouldn't have given you my office number. You've said a whole lot of things, but the actual word 'sorry' wasn't one of them. Did you even realize it? If you _are_ sorry, if you actually mean what you say now and not what you did back then, then say it."

 

_”You have reached the office of Borough President Tyler Larson...”_

"God, you're right. I _am_ sorry, please believe me, I didn't even realize- I know that's not enough, and maybe it'll never be enough. I hurt you. I was trying too hard to be something that everyone- every _thing_ \- else around me told me I had to be or I'd be damned. I remember every word of it, and I remember how justified I felt at the time, and how good it felt at the time. Back then it seemed like the right thing to do.

"But I know how wrong it was now. I denied who I was and threw you under the bus in the process. I thought I had to do that to be the 'right' kind of person with the 'right' kind of life and the 'right' kind of family. My eyes are open now. I want to rebuild our friendship, even if it can't be anything more. I know things have changed. I see them around me. I hear it in your voice- you know you've picked up a New York accent, right? Just a little, around the Rs, but it's definitely there. It's become home to you, hasn't it?

I want to know that Tyler. And I hope you want to know this Derrick. Can you let me know one way or another?"

 

**March**

Derrick,

I _am_ sorry I kept missing you, believe it or not. Hell, I can't believe it sometimes. But I listened to your messages, and I heard the man I once had a relationship with, brief as it was. For that, I'm willing to listen and keep the channel of communication open.

Yes, New York is home. Thank you for noticing. It's the place I can be myself, where I can get married, and raise a family, and be as fabulous as the human body can contain, without anyone doing more than recommending a good hairdresser. But it's also home because it's the place my family- the family I chose, not the family that chose not to choose me- calls home. You said you want to know 'that' Tyler. Here I am, in all my glory.

Greg Capuano is the lucky man I get to come home to, and the man who is equally lucky to come home to me. (I know. We all thought Blair was going to be the one to settle down, and look at the two of us. And I have no idea what happened to Blair, but I have people looking into it. At least Ken made it back to Japan before the war hysteria really kicked into gear.) I never thought I'd find everything I wanted in one place, but Greg's got an ass you could bounce a quarter off of, a head for numbers, legs that look good in a slinky red dress, a heart big enough to take in the whole world, and realistic expectations about our marriage. He understands what it means to marry a politician, and that's why I always come home to him.

You should thank him. He's been encouraging me to keep talking to you.

Imani's fourteen, and we've been preparing our version of the shovel speech. Not that she can't take care of herself, but you know how it is. She wants to go into theater, and that's just amazing for her. The family we adopted her from did their best to squash any self-esteem she had. I look at my daughter's smile and wonder who in their right mind would tell her she needed to be less outgoing, less assertive, more docile, more in the background. I think I can pull some strings and get her an internship at one of the Off-Broadway theaters so she can see what the business looks like from the inside.

Miguel's seven, sharp as a knife. I'd love to get him into one of the specialized schools- the _cachet_ it would have! But Greg's worried about the train trip, and I suppose he has a point- he'd have to take the railroad, after all, and I don't think he's ready for that yet. He asks so many questions, and it's such a nice change from when we first brought him home. He's going through a sports phase, too- we had to redecorate his bedroom in the most garish combination of blue and orange, and he still wants a stuffed mascot for his birthday.

Savannah's our newest- she's twelve, and so shy. But if anyone can bring her out of her shell, it'll be my Greg. I don't know where she was originally from, because she doesn't like to talk about it, but she has a heavy Southern drawl. Apparently she's being bullied at school, but we're working with the district to deal with that. That's not the kind of thing we put up with around here. We're the ones who were chased from our homes for being different, after all.

Of _course_ I have pictures. Can you believe no one laughed at me wearing white? I think we can all agree I looked fantastic in that suit. We don't have any pictures of Savannah yet, because she doesn't want us taking them. I think she's embarrassed about her hair, but I keep telling her that blonde can be beautiful without being… well, you know. You certainly saw more of it than I did.

When you write back, tell me about your daughter. Does she look more like you? Or like your wife?

Warm regards,  
Tyler

 

Dear Tyler,

The wedding pictures are gorgeous. I love the cake- was that glitter? Was that edible glitter? Shouldn't surprise me- our freshman year I think you would have lived in glitter and sequins if you could. That hand sanitizer you liked left sparkles all over the dorm.

Imani's a beautiful girl- I can see why you're worried about the boys. Or the girls, I guess? I still have to remind myself that's a possibility again. It was so thoroughly hammered into my head that it wasn't. Thank God- or something- for the resistance.

I don't think you should send Miguel so far from home for school. That's awfully young to be so far away, and the travel would make it awfully hard for him to do any afterschool activities. You want him to be well-rounded, right? There's more to life than homework.

I know you weren't asking for my opinion, but sometimes I can't help it.

It was hard to find pictures that printed out well. Everything we have is digital, but I completely understand why you don't want to use e-mail. You just get so used to the way things are. It's been hard enough weaning Kendra off the television. Those people are more real to her than some of the people she knows in real life.

She's seven- going to be eight in June. And I realize that I really don't know her at all. I know all the things the TV and the computer and her classmates have told her to want, and expected her to be- but they're all the things all the other girls in her age group want to have and want to be. I left all the interaction with her to her mother, because that was the way we were supposed to be. Raising the child is woman's work, right? And how do you bond with your family when you're glued to the TV? But when I left Jennifer, I had to take Kendra with me. Jennifer would have forced her to keep being the same generic girl, conditioned by screens and society.

So I've been trying to figure out who she is, and help her figure out who she is. She really likes animals, especially horses. That picture's from the stable that just reopened in Saratoga. Doesn't she look adorable in her riding gear? I'm trying to find someone who has a cat with kittens so I can adopt one for her birthday.

I wasn't sure if I should send my wedding pictures, but that's part of what made me the person I am now. I think this was the first time my father was proud of me since I was twelve. I'd say I'm sorry to have disappointed him once again, but... well, how many hours did I spend bitching about him at Cal? Jennifer does look nice. I can at least appreciate that aesthetically.

I did manage to do one thing I was dreaming about in college. I own a manufacturing company near San Jose. We've had to retool our product line somewhat, given what happened last year- I'm enclosing a couple of samples from the new line that I think you'll get a kick out of. It's been hard balancing that with Kendra, especially without Jennifer to handle the housework and childcare. And there's a little part of me like a voice in my head that says I should be prioritizing my work because that's my job, but I know it for the BS that it is now.

It's a long road back to a different kind of normal. I think I'm getting there, though. And I think you're helping.

Ha. I can just imagine someone going up to us freshman year and saying you were helping me stay sane. How long do you think you would have been laughing for?

Sincerely,  
Derrick

 

**April**

_”You have reached the voicemail of Borough President Tyler Larson...”_

"Hey, it's Derrick. I haven't heard from you in a while, so I just wanted to check whether you were okay. How's the family? We should talk- let me know a good time for you."

 

_”Hi, this is Derrick...”_

"Hi, Derrick. It's Tyler. Sorry I forgot about time zones- you would not believe how crazy it's been over here. So many people moving in, and temptations everywhere. But I've cleared my calendar for tomorrow afternoon, so you can call back then. Your daughter sounds absolutely precious! Oh my God, you know this means we have to exchange kid stories now. Talk to you later! Bye!"

 

_”Hi, this is Derrick...”_

"Tyler again. Actually, change of plans- big meeting came up for tomorrow afternoon, super emergency, all hands on deck. I might be able to carve out some time for you on Friday, but I'll let you know more about that later in the week.

"But just quickly here: you asked if I was okay. Okay how? Okay with what? I'm exactly as okay as I need to be to get through the aftermath. I don't have a choice in the matter. I have constituents that need me to be a strong leader. They trust me to look after their interests, and you better believe I'm going to take care of my people.

The strange thing is that talking to you, or at least talking at your answering machine and writing letters to you, helps keep me on track there too. A lot of the new people we've been settling in are in your shoes, and hearing from you reminds me what kind of leader they need me to be. So thanks."

 

_"Thank you for calling Delightful House Promotional Products. You’ve reached the desk of Derrick Hoffman. He is unable to take your call right now, but please leave your name, number, and a brief message, and your call will be returned as soon as possible. Thank you and have a nice day.”_

"Sorry I couldn't pick up. I know I said Friday, but of course an absolute public relations _shitstorm_ hits at three in the afternoon on Friday. Some people just have no consideration. But that potential riot isn't going to defuse itself. It's a good thing my deputy speaks Spanish and Haitian Creole, that's all I'm going to say about that until it's all sorted out."

 

**May**

_”You have reached the voicemail of Borough President Tyler Larson...”_

"Tyler, it's Derrick. Thanks for shooting me that note last week- just got it today. I can't believe you found a use for both the Irish step dancing class and Psych 215 in the same day. I _wouldn't_ believe it if you hadn't sent the pictures. The pants look good on you, but don't dye your hair red again- you always looked much better as a blond.

You'll be happy to know I finally convinced Kendra that it was okay to have brown hair, that it didn't make her ugly or anything. Now that her mother's not bleaching it anymore, it's growing out very dark- darker than mine is now, but about the color it was in college. It makes her eyes stand out much more. I don't mean to sound too much like a proud papa, but she's even more adorable now than she was before.

School's wrapping up soon, so I'd love to have a chance to talk with you before we both have our hands completely full with the kids."

 

_"Thank you for calling Delightful House Promotional Products..."_

"Hi, Derrick, it's Tyler. Your secretary's tougher than mine to get through. Anyway, I actually wanted to talk to you about the summer. Now that things have mostly settled down, cross-country flights are not only happening again, they're super cheap. I was thinking about taking the family on a vacay to the Bay- show them all the places I got into trouble in, all the places that helped make me who I am. Would you want to meet up? We're looking at the second week of July- that way we get past the holiday rush. We haven't had a vacation that was further from home than Montauk in more than ten years! I'm starting to get a little claustrophobic, and you know how I get when I start to feel closed in.

"I understand if you're not ready. But let me know either way, all right?"

 

_"You have reached the desk of Borough President Tyler Larson..."_

"Hi, Tyler, it's Derrick. That would be fantastic! Early July is a slow period for the plant, so I can take the time off. It'll be great to finally see each other again after all the back and forth. I have to talk to Kendra- there are a lot of things about your family that she's going to be a little weird about, so I want to prepare her and make sure she doesn't say anything horrible when you guys arrive.

Just let me know what you want to do and what days you want to get together. Let's make this happen. It's been too many years, a million miles, too much and too many of everything.

I want to say I'm sorry. And I want to say it directly to your face."

 

**July**

Derrick,

I've enclosed our flight information and the basics of our itinerary. You'll see we've left a lot of room for improvisation. I pride myself on my flexibility, as I'm sure you remember.

Savannah had a fabulous idea for easing Kendra into the whole concept of a family with two daddies and three skin colors. You'll be getting a package from us in the next few days, with the full line of one of our local products, Native New Yorker Dolls. Totally worth the favors I called in, let me tell you. And of course they come with all different outfits in all different sizes. Greg made _sure_ there would be little red dresses for both the basic male and basic female sizes.

See if you can find Savannah's favorite! She says it's the one that made her really understand how we're all the same under the skin.

I think this will be good for all of us. You're worried about Kendra understanding us and needing to be exposed to people who are different from everything she's been taught. I think it's just as important for my kids to understand where Kendra's coming from. They don't really understand what it's like to be conditioned and programmed to believe that different is bad. They know Greg and I fought, and so many people gave up their lives, to make sure they could be grow up to be whoever and whatever they wanted to be. So I hope you can show them and tell them what it was like.

You probably don't think a seven-year-old, or a twelve-year-old, or even a fourteen-year-old, is ready for that conversation, but you'd be surprised. Kids grow up fast in New York- faster than I ever did in Olesford, anyway. We don't try to hide anything from them unless it's something that's none of their business. And even then Greg _cannot_ keep his mouth shut about what they're getting for their birthdays.

Enough about that. Got any recommendations for what to do that's new and not terrifyingly dominionist or blatantly commercial? Imani likes theater, Miguel likes art, Savannah's really digging into history, Greg won't admit it but loves dinosaurs, and me... well, you know. Find me a party and not only will I be the belle of the ball, I'll learn everyone's secrets by the end of the night. I do also appreciate a good talking play.

Cheers,  
Tyler

 

Dear Tyler,

I found a few things you guys might like- the brochures are inside.

Should I be nervous about this? I'm nervous about this. I don't want it to go wrong. I keep thinking it will. There are so many mistakes I can make. But at the same time I'm looking forward to it. I can move past the biggest mistake of my life.

I know we can't have what we had in college. I don't want it anyway, and I don't think you do either. You've moved on. But it would be an honor to be called your friend again.

Sincerely,  
Derrick

 

**July**

"H- hey."

Tyler carefully set his suitcase down on the gray tile of the terminal floor, brushed his bangs out of his hazel eyes, and reached out to hug Derrick, expecting the tension but surprised by how quickly it eased. "Hello."


End file.
